PENGUINS
ON THE MOON
(A
Musical)
Scene
1 (ANTARCTICA)
Narrator:
Antarctica, a barren Frozen Wasteland, the World’s most inhospitable
continent; where nights last for daysand winter for centuries. No man nor beast
makes this ice-bound desert his home except for lonely herds of desperate
Penguins, huddled together to ward off the biting sub zero winds, but wait what
are those penguins up to?
Scene
2 (PENGUINS ON THE MOON)
VERSE
1
Capt.:
I’ve built a Rocket
to
take us into space.
Alfredo:
We just thought fuck it
let’s
leave this frosty place.
Capt:
I’m a penguin scientist
Alfredo:
To explore the distant moon.
Capt:
We’re quite excited.
Alfredo:
We’re going pretty soon.
PRE-CHORUS
Bob:
We’re taking a long trip
Burt:
Trying to stay hip
Bob:
Getting a fresh grip
Burt:
Anywhere’s better than here
Bob:
We’re starting a new life
Burt:
Without the pack ice
Bob:
Up in the blue sky
Burt:
Don’t you worry, There’s no hurry
Bob:
We can wait all day
CHORUS
Narrator:
In year two thousand there’ll be penguins on the moon.
The
Penguins:
We’ll make a better day
In
our own penguin way
Narrator:
In year two thousand there’ll be penguins on the moon
Believe
me now there’ll be
All:
Penguins on the Moon.
VERSE
2
Capt:
Now I’m the Capt,
I’m
the leader of this trip
Alfredo:
And my name’s Alfredo
Capt:
Yes, you’d call him my sidekick
Alfredo:
We’ve got two…
Bob
& Burt:
…twins here.
Bob:
Bob is one…
Burt:
…and Burt is Two.
Alfredo:
That rhyme couldn’t be flimsier.
Capt:
But at least it got us through.
PRE-CHORUS
Bob:
We’re building a new ship
Burt:
Shaped like a tulip
Bob:
Painting a blue tip
Burt:
Anything’s better than pink
Bob:
We’ll be on the telly
Burt:
Can we have jelly?
Bob:
Where are my Wellies?
Burt:
No you dummy, It’ll be sunny
Bob:
Let me here you say,
CHORUS
Narrator:
In year two thousand there’ll be penguins on the moon.
The
Penguins:
We’ll make a better day
In
our own penguin way
Narrator:
In year two thousand there’ll be penguins on the moon
Believe
me now there’ll be
All:
Penguins on the Moon.
MID
SECTION
Capt.:
I’m looking forward with great expectancy
To
find a new life without an icy sea
There’ll
be no nasty sharks or hungry leopard seals,
Who’s
coming first I say?
Burt:
Me!
Alfredo:
No, me!
Bob:
No, me!
VERSE
3
Capt.:
Our rocket’s ready
As
cunning as it’s planned
Burt:
But it’s not too steady
Bob:
‘Cos it’s built with flippers instead of hands.
CHORUS
Narrator:
In year two thousand there’ll be penguins on the moon.
The
Penguins:
We’ll make a better day
In
our own penguin way
Narrator:
In year two thousand there’ll be penguins on the moon
Believe
me now there’ll be
All:
Penguins on the Moon
Penguins on the Moon
Penguins
on the Moon
Penguins
on the Moon
Penguins
on the Moon
Penguins
on the Moon
Penguins
on the Moon
Penguins
on the Moon.
SCENE
3 (A LESSON FROM HISTORY)
Narrator:
Now penguins are birds
About
whom I’ve heard
(Or
should I say it’s often been said)
Are
suited to life amongst snow and ice
Or
I guess they’d all be long dead.
But
is it the case
Or
have we just thought in haste
That
they went there of their own choosing?
Or
could it just be,
At
least it seems to me,
That
Darwin’s game they’ve been losing?
Now
picture the scene when Antarctica’s green
(This
happened many thousand years ago)
With
all manner of fowl
From
peacocks to owls
Before
all this nasty snow.
Then
all the birds that could fly
Just
took to the skies
And
head for a warmer pasture.
-*-
But
our penguin friends
Are
at their wits ends
For
flying they just couldn’t master.
So
they made the best
Of
what they had left
And
learned to put up with the snow.
But
they never forgot
All
that they’d lost
To
the weather they’d just become bold.
And
they planned for the day
In
their cold avine way
When
they’d finaly make their escape.
So
they built their own rocket
With
bits from their pockets
And
bravely set off for space.
SCENE
4 (RAINBOW TROUT - A Disaster Averted)
VERSE
1
Penguins:
Alright, Hold tight.
Bob:
Check you’ve got your seat belt on.
Penguins:
Blast off, cast off.
Burt:
Did we leave the kettle on?
Penguins:
So high, In the sky.
Bob:
Heading upward for the moon.
Penguins:
On our way, chocks away.
Burt:
I only hope we get there soon.
PRE-CHORUS
Capt.:
Seeing our old igloos from this view on high
Leaving
all our frozen homes behind.
CHORUS
Penguins:
And now at last
It’s
in the past
And
there’s no turning back now
We’ll
be the first lunar chicks…yeah.
VERSE
2
Penguins:
Come on, move along.
Bob:
Shouldn’t we be going faster?
Penguins:
Let’s go, so slow.
Burt:
No power in our master blaster.
Bob
& Burt:What’s for tea? Fish for me.
We
put lots in the fuel bay.
Capt.
& Alf:What say? No Way!
Bob
& Burt:For fish we threw our fuel away
PRE-CHORUS
Capt.:
Burt and Bob you’ve angered me, you’re very naughty boys
Dumping
all our fuel into the void.
CHORUS
Penguins:
And now at last
Halfway
is past
And
there’s no turning back now
We’ll
be the first lunar chicks…
Alfredo:
Even if it kills us.
MID-SECTION
Bob
& Burt:We’re very sorry if we compromised our trip
We
never ever thought that food could hurt the ship
We
realise too late that fish can kill us all…
Burt:
…kill us all?
Bob
& Burt:
…Stop our fall!
PRE-CHORUS
Capt.:
Luckily I’ve formed a plan to save us from our doom
More
cunning than my plan this afternoon
We’ve
got to gut these fish we’ve got
or we’re off this
mortal coil
We’ll
fuel it up on cold cod liver oil.
CHORUS
Penguins:
And now at last
Disaster’s
past
And
there’s no turning back now
We’ll
be the first lunar chicks…
SCENE
5 (THE LANDING -instrumental.)
SCENE
6 (BURT'S TALE)
Narrator:
But one young bird,
A
small one called Burt,
Had
plans and ideas of his own.
And
as soon as they’d landed
And
just how he’d planned it
He
set off for the mountains alone.
Now
his own little scheme,
Twas
a childhood dream
Was
to ski the lunar slopes.
But
early on
When
he was not far gone
He
despaired and near gave up hope.
So
he sat for a while
On
a moon rock pile
And
felt himself so alone…
-*-
Twas
then that he spied
Through
the corner of his eye
A
distant twinkling gleam.
So
he set off at a waddle,
With
a swig from his bottle
That
he’d packed with fresh clotted cream.
The
sparkle grew nearer
And
Burt saw it clearer
As
a silvery box left by NASA,
And
although he didn’t know it
Or
cared how to show it,
Twas
a microwave used to cook pasta.
…
and Burt was smitten.
SCENE
7 (MICROWAVE SWEETHEART)
VERSE
1
Burt:
I found her on her side in a lunar crater
She
acted kinda shy but I knew I would date her
We
met up on the same spot half an hour later
If
you’re getting bored of fish, try her baked potato
CHORUS
Microwave
Sweetheart
She’ll
feel much better when her circuits fixed
Microwave
Sweetheart
She
don’t say much ‘cos her settings are mixed
Microwave
Sweetheart
VERSE
2
First
date I took her to the lunar seaside
We
stayed up pretty late till nearly tea-time
She’s
got a cute bell that rings on the inside
I’m
falling for her fast down a slippery steep slide
CHORUS
Microwave
Sweetheart
She’ll
feel much better when her circuits fixed
Microwave
Sweetheart
She
don’t say much ‘cos her settings are mixed
Microwave
Sweetheart
MID
SECTION
Alfredo:
A romance with machinery is sure to end in tears
Been
a luddite since in puberty, it awakens all my fears
Her
deadly rays will get their grip, I’m sure it’s just begun
Burt:
I don’t care it’s me and her and we’re just having fun
She’s
my...
CHORUS
Microwave
Sweetheart
She’ll
feel much better when her circuits fixed
Microwave
Sweetheart
She
don’t say much ‘cos her settings are mixed
Microwave
Sweetheart- and we’re so in love.
SCENE
8 (CHEESY)
VERSE
1
Alfredo:
We built our lunar dome, it’s looking quite magnificent,
Everybody’s
right to be a little proud.
We’re
feeling right at home, in our new establishment.
Burt
& Bob:But what’s for tea fish pie for me.
Bob:
I’m hoping that it’s plaice.
Alfredo:
The trouble is my friends
Our
rations didn’t last so long
Everybody
ate a little touch too much.
Our
kippers met their end;
Bob
ate them while Burt sang his song.
Burt
& Bob:But what’s to eat beneath our feet?
It’s sticky and it smells so...
PRE-CHORUS
Penguins:
Cheesy.
Alfredo:
It’s got nutrients and Calcium.
Penguins:
Cheesy.
Alfredo:
There’s plenty here for everyone.
Capt.:
It’s the tipper toppermost of lunar cuisine.
CHORUS
PENGUINS:
The moon is made of cheese
Bob:
It’s tasty and it’s free
PENGUINS:
The moon is made of cheese
Burt:
Break out a recipe
PENGUINS:
The moon is made of cheese
There’s lots for you and me.
VERSE
2
Alfredo:
My mind is running over with thoughts of pizza topping
All
around us is the smell of cheese on toast
We’ve
eaten up our fill but show no signs of stopping
Burt
& Bob: It’s such a treat, we’ve got to eat,
It’s yummy and it tastes so...
PRE-CHORUS
Penguins:
Cheesy.
Alfredo:
It’s got streaks in just like Danish blue.
Penguins:
Cheesy.
Alfredo:
It’s suitable for Swiss fondue.
Capt.:
It’s the tipper toppermost of lunar cuisine.
CHORUS
PENGUINS:
The moon is made of cheese
Burt:
Of such variety
PENGUINS:
The moon is made of cheese
Bob:
As far as the eye can see.(Far the eye can see)
PENGUINS:
The moon is made of cheese
There’s lots for you and me.
-*-
CHORUS
PENGUINS:
The moon is made of cheese
Bob:
It melts so easily
PENGUINS:
The moon is made of cheese
Burt:
I think I trod in some brie
PENGUINS:
The moon is made of cheese
There’s lots for you and me
Bob:
One more time…
CHORUS
PENGUINS:
The moon is made of cheese
Alfredo:
Yeah, yeah
PENGUINS:
The moon is made of cheese
Capt:
Oh yeah
PENGUINS:
The moon is made of cheese
There’s lots for you and me
Paul
Stanley: And you know I'm so tired of everybody saying
it, I just gotta know is the moon really, really made of cheese?
Narrator:
Meanwhile, not so far away…
VERSE
1
Aliens:
We got rocks made of cheese
We
got emmental and parmesan and brie.
We
got style, we got breeze.
We’re
just hanging out here doing what we please.
VERSE2
We
got drink over here.
We
got venus wine and solar system beer.
We
got girls and we got guys,
We
got superhuman hybrids twice your size.
CHORUS
We’re
alright, we’re okay
We
just wish you’d pack your bags and go away.
VERSE
3
You
got wings but you can’t fly,
You
got silly little beakies, my oh my.
Where’s
your hands where’s your ears?
Evolution
hasn’t noticed you for years.
CHORUS
We’re
alright, we’re okay
Don’t
you know you’re not the first to pass this way.
We’re
alone but not today
All
you astronautic penguins go away.
MID
SECTION
Now
that you have finally reached the sky
You
won’t find fish no matter how you try,
So
get back in your rocket and you’ll fly away...
CHORUS
We’re
alright, we’re okay
Don’t
you know you’re not the first to pass this way.
We’re
alone but not today
All
you astronautic penguins go awa…
SCENE
10 (ALL I WANT IS FISH)
Narrator:
Bob doesn’t look to happy either, c’mon Bob what’s the matter?
Bob:
Got the urge to flap my wings now even though they’re little things.
I’ve
never felt so sad and all alone.
Feeling
homesick it’s getting stronger, I need to last a little longer
I
only hope our Captain gets us home
Cos
I’m sick of Moondust cheese
I’m
begging on my knees
All
I want is Fish
That’s
my only wish
Burt’s
in love with his new appliance, a tragedy of modern science
I
hope he sees he’s making a mistake
I
waddle round and round for hours bombarded by these cosmic showers
I
it and dream of halibut and hake
I’d
sell my soul for kippers
I’m
begging with my flippers
All
I want is fish
Just
one trouty kiss
It
would be alright
If
only I could fly
All
I want is fish
Just
one trouty kiss
It
would alright
If
only I could fly